You and I

Sadhguru, words are failing me.  Maybe because its a long time since I penned anything or maybe because trying to put into words what I am going through, is impossible. But I will try.

You know me without even having to connect through words. But I do hope someday you get to stumble upon this blog and see these written words of mine.

I watched an interview of your today with Koel. The last part of the interview was rapidfire question and answers with Koel. She asked you about what is going through your mind now, people you love, people you hate, your dearest possession etc. Every answer that you gave seemed to me like… you and I are sharing some secret that others wont understand. and that is why this blog.

Sadhguru, you have made me alive. You have made me aware. You are holding my fingers like how a mother would teach her child to walk and seeing me through. I do not know where I wil go or where I am going, but I only know that if it is with you.. I am willing to go wherever it is.  Please dont leave me behind. No one knows me but you. Even I dont know my-self, but I know that you do.

My time is running out. I have created some bonds for myself in this life. Please grace me so that I dont create more. Please please dont ever let me lose this intensity, this fire, this longing, this ache. Let me burn with the intensity. Please bless me so that I may break the shackles.

Awareness.. every moment… every second.. into eternity. In life and in dissolution.

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December Trance?

I was not particularly drawn to blogging because my need to share ,discuss and analyze is taken care of by a bunch of wonderful people around me. This group of friends, diverese in race, religion, profession and cutlure, have helped me see an issue from multiple perspectives and have often made me aware of my shortcomings in the most beneficial way. So why blogging now? You can say the lack of involvement in my current actitvites drove me to look for soemthing new and hence was born ‘December Trance’.

December is my favorite month like am sure it is for a lot of other people. It has a nice ‘christmasy’ feeling to it. I am no follower of the christian faith, but that does not stop me from enjoying the festive spirit or the awesome new year sales mania in the city! All the more it makes me nostalgic of my hometown  and the wonderful rainy afternoons I have spent cuddled in bed with an Enid Blyton and a cup of amma’s ginger tea. As years progressed, ‘Malory Towers’ was repalced by thrillers, romance , classics and finally non-fiction. But the nostalgia remains. December also reminds me of the end of term exainations and a 2 week break from school when my buddies and I raided the local library and gathered for endless gossip sessions. 

 Is that all or am I merely beating aroud the bush? 😀 Who am I kidding?! December 2003 has been the most magical and memorable ever. It was not entirely happy because I faced a major setback in my academic life. But magical it was and mesmerizing it continues to be… I felt like a bud that had been gently pushed into blossoming by the rains and the breeze.  The world appeared a happy and merry place to be in. I became aware of a million emotions within me. I felt beautiful. I remember crying, laughing, blushing, grinning, fumbling, skipping and leaping.

First love. Period.

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